.

i want to start at 5:30
carry heavy trays
be done early
see the afternoon heat
that distorts light
and causes sweat
on low lying limbs
and eventually rises above
standard height and
then cool cool cools

cool cool

.

i had a list i meant to write in here twice but now it doesn't seem appropriate
neither does writing about the subject matter.
i don't know why though. guess it doesn't matter.


i did see a girl riding a bike in a skirt who should have either not been wearing a skirt or not riding a bike.


its raining
and thats enough
for now.

.

pics from the show the other day:

forrest mulerath


the capstan shafts


white hinterland

colin and I are playing at red square at 5:01 for super death show.
should be interesting.

staying home to cure the dizzyness so hopefully i can read the chords and play the songs.

have a great day.

i think maybe i am dissapointed in the world for no justifiable reason

i want to say something i just don't know what it is.

lets fight that anger issue
with more plans
and fixes
and ignoration
twists and
music
lots of music
stomping in puddles
mints
sleep
you
snuggles
pianos
old old voices

searching

nite.

.

do you want to come to our show?

if you do not enjoy us you will surely enjoy this:
http://www.myspace.com/caseydienel
it will be well worth your effort to email me for the location.

see you soon soldier.

.

i should be in bed but im not. i have some pics on my camera from the storm but i dont feel like posting them. so what good is this post? i dont know.

actually i had this whole thing that came in to my head pretty rapidly. I started thinking about it and it got reduced to:

sometimes people are assholes.

and i decided no one could argue that. and the people who can argue it are in denial about their own assholishness.

it is true. sometimes i am an asshole. just like you.

just try not to throw it around so much when it comes to the way you deal with other people.... ok, asshole?

for example. in case you were wondering... this post... it's an example of bad form. its very very bad form... and were I not using it as an example. i would not post it.

.

cooking dinner.

i remembered on my walk home that a few nites ago at some stupid hour when I was trying to sleep i had a thought to add something to the short story i havent touched since i was in chicago in november... i want to add a description of falling asleep to the point where one of the characters actually falls asleep... so I just re-read it and I thought i would post the section as a reminder to myself.... this is not even a rough draft just direct how it came out of my head so forgive it.

--

The Den is easy to find from the back entrance. Just down the hall and around the corner. The large double doors that formed the entrance of the room were large and heavy. I noticed, as I approached, that there was no light or sound coming from the room. I pushed the doors open slowly and put my head in the door.

The lights were indeed off. The fire burned down to probably a third of its size from when it was at its most majestic and it cast its light all over the room in sheets of orange. Any obstruction easily cut through the orange sheet and created dark shadows of lines and faceless heads that played flat and daring in the noiseless two dimensional world of the wall.

I didn’t see **** so I walked in and headed to the fire. The giant 10 foot polar bear looming overhead. It was obviously out of its element so close to a burning fire in a room with the heads of animals it shouldn’t be within a thousand miles of and yet still commanded a presence over the entire place like it was his home. Its giant paws spread with a warning that in one deadly swoop it could take the life of any being it chose. Its hind legs braced the massive structure with such sure footing that the most slippery snow and ice could not take him down.

There, with the giant bear lurking over her, laid ****. Sleeping silently under the blanket of protection provided by the bear. Her presence turned the bears stance from hostile aggressor to family protector. It turned the light of the dancing flames away from the hundreds of tiny faceless ghosts into warmth for the homestead.

Her chest moved slowly up and down breathing in the dry warm air. There was a cup of tea just off the round rug she was on. Half gone and no longer steaming. She looked very comfortable and I didn’t want to disturb her. I laid down on the couch, closed my eyes and listened to the music of the fire crackling, the slow breaths, and the faint noises of the left over partiers. After 5 minutes or so I stopped my recording and fell asleep.

--

dinner is done. i hope you dont fight as much as i do. good nite soldier.

.

busy busy

my food eating life experiment is going to hit the 2 week period tomorrow. i dont know how its going really. but its going. i am hungry a lot. i cant wait to eat a real meal.

life experiments are funny.

I need a press photo!

this is the most passive aggressive way I could think to ask for help to get a press photo.

I will need a 'band shot' for my new upcoming record... and I guess I am the only one in the band. (even though I had a ton of help from great friends) So that means I need a picture of me to promote my record. which I hate the idea of. so if you would like to take a picture of me that I can use that makes me look like I am sitting for a press photo but still not like an asshole... let me know. I don't have much money but I can at least buy you foods and be your company for dinner at a restaurant of your choice.

if you have one of these photos already in your personal collection please forward it on. I will give you credit of course.

440a440@gmail.com

thanks. you are the best.

.

long day. shutting down. reviewing, learning, reading, registering, banks, prescription, etc. etc.

ive been bad with the telephone. making those calls.
need to get better at that. put it on the list of things to prioritize
or, you know, why bother?

.

its crazy how time
shucks around all the letters
typed and a couple a calls
and then its nite, and dark
you fill up the dishwasher
and realize
there is admiration and respect
for the firm decision makers
and you really haven't absorbed everything
as you should have.
trying to decide
when things should happen
instead of just letting them
happen never works -
except on the front end of things
of course. of course
the temperature
on the beach
in front of the house
that doesn't exist is perfect.
it smells like sun tan lotion.

more letters typed
later.


nite.

photos...

from the show the other nite...

the 500's


the smittens w/ mad bird


tullcraft


its funny, after all this talk of destroying a village, my mom had one in her back yard that needed destroying. the destruction:


at least 3 barns, 3 wishing wells, 2 windmills, a bridge, at least 15 bird houses, plus multiple regular houses.

i don't know how it got to be so late...

Track Listing and Cover

My First Days on Junk: No Order

1. It’s About Us Breaking
2. Try Hard
3. Heavy Winter, Heavy Snow
4. Your Shirts Are My Favorite Color
5. Count Me In, I’m Good To Go
6. Old Jaguar
7. Little Distraction
8. Life of the Party
9. I Will Do Anything
10. Stiff and Straight
11. Break Stride and You’ll Fall Down
12. Walk in the Rain
13. Waiting for a Ride Tonite

My First Days on Junk

.

yes i know, the grammar and spelling in the last post is horrible. its kind of funny... going away for the weekend... bye....

eXtreme life blogging.

woke up from having a dream about a nuclear blast where my friends and I survived by hopping a hot air balloon in an attempt to get above the fallout. after floating in the air for an hour or so reveling in genius of our ability to create a hot air balloon and get it airborn in just seconds we see someone below and the person yells, "it was just an accident, a gas tank exploded" and we lost all excitement of being the only survivors in our city.

took a shower, got dressed, eye drops ran out the door
stopped for a coffee, need something better than work coffee today
turn on vpr, check my email, meeting, oatmeal, coffee mmmm

read some blog posts:
http://noah-cicero.blogspot.com

and some poems by jillian clark
http://www.3ammagazine.com/3am/two-poems-8/

which made me more interested in skinny vegetarians sitting with their arms cross in front of their laptop than poetry

and then i read about how noah cicero is writing his history book by reading other history books and he talked some more about how dumb people are and how oil is evil. after reading his blog for months thats how I would summarize the entire thing.

http://noah-cicero.blogspot.com

his blog reminds me why i dont like to write anything that has a specific reason... or that chooses a subject, takes a position and proves it.

read my horoscope:
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You recognize negativity, even when it comes in a pretty package with a gigantic bow on it and is delivered by a gorgeous model. Graciously turn down toxic gifts.

thought about the show last nite, wishing i had some pho dang leftovers for lunch and i'm glad tick tick is helping to get good shows back in town because they are awesome people who like awesome music. http://www.ticktick.org/ i enjoyed tully craft more than I thought I would. a lot more.

dragged some emails from one folder to another one

thought about how much time this is going to take up and wondered how it possible to actually do anything while writing about everything you do:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=15739268

at what point to you just start saying... "wrote in diary, wrote in diary, wrote in diary, wrote in diary?"

chatted with morgan about his show on the south shore and david with his show with tullycraft. then david sent me this:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8D3CcD-Hekc4ft3k7uWrPptfBLymLWiZD81cuf3w-05ywmhozNoilwBw6uA4FsvuEnsdKfRQoJj-Gd82HEXgzS-uICq458vb_lqYuxMFuJORituQcTtbXbKxnsrf1QKztem-sARNWYC-B/s1600-h/octophant3.jpg

thought about how obsessive this makes me feel and how no one will ever make it through this whole thing and how, if i am lucky, this will be my most obnoxious, yet literal blog post ever.

eye drop

checked some reports to see if we needed anything... nope
chatted with jay about the drummer from tullycraft

listened to a radio program on VPR about pharmaceuticals and marketing then thought about how i used to drive around and set up projectors to laptops and screens for pharma reps so they could sell their drugs to dr's and hospital people and buy them fancy dinners while i sat in a van and tried to occupy myself for 2 hours by writing on my laptop or calling people on my 'free cellphone' or by trying to get in touch with people i never talked to anymore who were working at vt teddy bear.

read an email about how mary is deaf and thought about how much and why i hate the word twee.

read some treehugger posts, normally i avoid treehugger but I recently subscribed when i found out matt who worked on the last mfdoj video and with whom i've had multiple conversation about ted with, was writing for them:
http://www.treehugger.com
i dont like them as much because they tend to write about things that have already happened instead of things that are currently happening. sometimes i like to think of them as the PETA of the green movement but i know thats not exactly true. if alicia silverstone switched to being a treehugger supporter i think i would like them more.... and probably i would like her more too.

answered an email from dan at the state capital. I should have the new mfdoj master next week! it will be done mastering by Saturday. it is getting mastered at spleenless when i am excited about: http://www.spleenlessmastering.com/ and was mixed at loho: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loho_Studios
I think i may be getting motivated to put the mfdoj band together and see what happens. it would be fun to put a band together an play loud guitars in NYC.

made plans to get breakfast after my eye appointment at 8am tomorrow morning. its the summer of the blind breakfast. i dont need to read the menu at sneakers luckily. i get the same thing every time.

washed out my coffee cup i eat oatmeal from. i dont remember who gave it to me. it has a cowboy boot on the side and says 'silver spur' on it.

updated this blog with the word 'no'
http://doesstevedrinkorhasdavidstartedeating.blogspot.com/

there has been a lot of talk about o scopes on make lately. i guess people do allkinds of things with o scopes
http://blog.makezine.com

just got an email from the flynn center with a list of summer classes that appear to mostly be for kids:
http://www.flynncenter.org/email-fa/jun08/jun08.htm
and it makes me want to rant about the reasons why the young professionals, post college pre family, (ie, the demographic that essentially drives and fuels corporate america... dont want to stay here. i cant say as i blame them.

figured out how to get what i need from a database, now about to actually make it happen.

eye drop.

wish I was focusing on one area of creative output instead of multiple but that will not take up enough time. is reading create output? i need to read because I have been slacking in that department. at least reading books. i read a lot about geology, economics and physics just not in books.

talking with jay about how to build a combo pin registration / vacuum for screen printing

realized my solution to get what i wanted from the database wasnt all inclusive. fuck.

checked my inbox - nothing.... im starting to get annoyed by this whole documenting process and think the idea to do it, even though it kind of makes me laugh, is just pretty pointless.... and thats kind of the point. right? i wonder if i will make it all day.

people are weird.

taking pride in being the fastest work email answerer ever.

time for lunch, ghetto turkey sandwich and chips with water. same thing every day.

overheard a conversation about wounding ducks then putting them inside your jacket.

answered an email from my sister about going to my moms this weekend to help her move in.

eye drop

re-figured out my problem with the report and got it right this time

scheduled time for lets whisper bass and drum recording which is my last major project thats actually ready to go.

excited for lakemonsters baseball starting next tuesday. an excuse to sit outside in the sun all afternoon, eat hot dogs and watch sub par baseball playes run around. also a chance to win a free tooth brush and watch a whole bunch of people do the YMCA dance.

have to find a light source weld head force adjustment knob and find out about clips for a back pack.

answered emails, updated deliveries and prices. (documenting everything really gets in the way of doing things)
the good thing about working in the country with high gas prices is that fewer sales people visit.

i went to write 'i'm going to wear my pink converse to show you how i respect you as a girl' - jess in my bastard notebook where i saw a note that says 'jumpshots to solve crime' - brooke i dont remember what the context was for that.

got a text from SRK about a bbq at his place sunday, maybe I can make it if I am back from newport? i do like the bbq.

receiving docs are in. fun fun.

eye drop

unemployment is up again. who is surprised?

when i was a kid i wanted to be a fire fighter who fraught forest fires, when i got older i wanted to sit in fire towers and watch large tracts of land for them.

had old person conversation with jess. we share small decaf mcdonalds coffees online often. example:

dis70chord: i still have that nasty taste in my mouth too
stevehaze: gross
dis70chord: maybe thats the infection? i dunno, but its god awful
stevehaze: you mean you are tasting puss?
stevehaze: ????
stevehaze: !!!
dis70chord: what does puss taste like!?
dis70chord: whatever it is it tastes clovey
stevehaze: i dont know!
stevehaze: does puss taste like clove?
dis70chord: i don't know!!!
dis70chord: uck
dis70chord: can i google that?
stevehaze: try it, see what you come up with
stevehaze: i would do it but I'm scared to type 'what does puss taste like' into google while at work.

receiving done. back to looking for the welding part. I am anticipating reading my geology blogs. one of the geologists is documenting his geology based road trip which is fun to read, i will link if I get to read it today, and a survivalist is documenting his first week long stay at the cabin he built... i will link to that too if i make it as well.

checked inbox, still empty, work is on the way though, just waiting for approvals.

co-worker just stopped in to talk about roofing, lawrence welk and 4 wheeling.

just remembered I need to send an email. maybe later. oh and isaac called me last nite, I accidentally deleted it before i heard what the whole thing said. i should call him back after work.

set my computer clock back. it likes to jump ahead 5 minutes every 2 hours or so and at the end of the day i get disappointed when I think I can leave but realized i have to stay.

eye drop. day 15 of a drop every waking hour. which im guessing means around 240 drops so far.

my IR windows are shipping. minor victory!

does anyone want to go to see the vermont mozart festival with me? clearly my thoughts are influenced by the radio.

david sent me a link to his new blog which is quiet informative:
http://istheinternetdown.blogspot.com/

second guessing my idea to do this because ironic humor is a hipster trait.

i am glad I just verified the data on my report and it is accurate.

was thinking about an article i read with E from the eels the other day and how he seems like a bit of a jack ass but in a nice way. i can relate to poor people skills. i also like his story about hiring producers to play bass on records for little money and then just letting them produce the record... because they cant help but produce once they get there... and E gets the whole thing for the price of a bass player. smart.

wondered: "what if super tramp was called uber tramp instead?"

they eye drops give me a bad taste in my mouth. its not like cloves though. more like rotten milk.

went to refill my water and picked up a beat up apple and some grapes. dropped 2 grapes on the floor. one went under the vending machine. dug it out. while out there thought of a new way to look at / present the data in the report that could prevent future questions. going to see if I can get that to work. although the report would probably pass as is.

remembered that jess is in my phone as layne stanley when she told me she loved stone temple pilots.

eye drop

i think most people, after reading this, will be glad they didnt IM me today... and jess might regret that she did all day. I need to check in on my geology blogs while my brain mulls over how to get that other data out of the other spot.

There is a giant mud volcano in Porong, they've been blaming a company for drilling a whole that set it of. the company is denying it. oooh there is a road trip update. its here:
http://nvcc.edu/home/cbentley/geoblog/2008/06/great-day-of-paleo.html

oh, interrupt blog reading, I got an email back about the welder part. I need to go check to make sure its right.
--the guy i need to see is gone. I will have to take care of it in the morning. back to blog reading.

i think my head figured out the report issue. have to cut blog reading short. i appreciate how my head can work on things without my intervention.

trying to remember transaction codes. not doing well. i dont do this stuff...

my monitor interferes with my radio. if i click and draw a window i can her a high pitched noise in the radio change.

i just spilled water down the front of me. i was drinking weird because I was slouching in my chair.

tried to get jay to buy me dinner. apparently its not going to happen.

neon neon will let you into their show for free if you show up in a delorean
i bet they dont give away any free tickets. i like how stupid random things are an excuse to write a press release and get your name in the news for something you will never have to come through on. I am not posting a link to spite them. fuck their marketing strategy.

eye drop

i will say blogging everything does seem to make the day go faster, although it doesnt make my day anywhere near more productive or meaningful.

why does aversion post about pete doherty every 3 minutes.
http://www.aversion.com/news/news_article.cfm?news_id=10844
seriously, no one has ever cared about babyshambles. isn't that their name? who knows.

exporting and sending off report. I wonder why the work coming hasn't been approved? maybe for tomorrow... or probably right after I leave.

jay and I decided that if we were rich we would be even richer because we would have bought a ton of art in philly last time were there that is worth a lot of money now. its no good to have the eye for art investment if you don't have the money.

just got a po for arrival tomorrow 6 minutes before i have to leave, in paper form not digital so I have to type it all in. lets see how fast I can do it... ready... go!

4 minutes. not bad. i can do better.

shutting down and heading home.

drove home. saw a guy and girl making out in a plumbers van with hair metal blasting. listened to one happy island (2 days now). I can listen again because its been cleared from my brain... i think i did an ok job recording and mixing it. by the 7" from them when it comes out and let me know what you think.

its a few miles longer to drive home on the interstate. its faster and I get better milage. its a few miles shorter to take the back roads home but the gas milage is worse and it takes longer. which way should i go? i dont know. maybe i will do the math tomorrow.

checked LJ, My_ and facebook. Marie is playing tonite at 1/2. will I go? who knows. maybe. lets see if anyone is on IM i can ask to go with me... nope

calling isaac back. no i didnt watch ninja warrior last nite.

making dinner. spicy chicken patty with cheese.

going to try to work on the box ad that will be in the nose. i'm not sure whats supposed to go in it... we'll see what i put in it.

finished the ad, got a myspace message from someone overseas looking for information on youth souvenir song that was on a compilation of ours a few years back. answered that. answered a random email i got from an old high school friend. put in some eye drops.

no takers on going to the show yet. i hate sitting at 1/2 by myself not drinking. it almost feels rude. I will try to find someone else. in the mean time I am going to walk downtown. get a maple creemee. sit on church street. i have to hit the eye dr. at 8 am tomorrow so I dont want to be out too late.

tao lin supports drug addiction:
http://reader-of-depressing-books.blogspot.com/2008/06/jaguar-uprising-press-and-other-things.html

Listened to iron and wines new album on the walk into town

stasia called when i walked by to offer me a piece of fresh peach pie when i walked back home.

sat at the waterfront and watched the sunset while i listened to the rest of the iron and wine record.

i think i see someone i know on the rocks, i think i can avoid them

i think a bunch of people keep waving at me but i cant see their faces from across the street so i dont wave back. sorry if i missed your wave.

finished the iron and wine record. put on pacifica. it makes everything like a weird techno video still cant get anyone to go to 1/2 with me.

one song died down and a guy on the boardwalk started stuttering and he was stuck on they word until the next song started.

walked to 1/2 still no luck going it alone.

ben played some songs, talked to brett about gear and bands (the dig, dag, the dag and jesus and mary chain) and other things, then marie played and I talked to ben about how odyssey and oracle is the best album ever. also talked to mat for a second. near the end everyone sort of went away and I got to enjoy listening to marie play. it was nice.

walked home, listened to ted leo tell balgeary balgury is dead then called rochelle to see how she is doing and how her dad is doing. everything is ok but she is sort of freaking out about a bunch of stuff. she wants to know if dinosaurs pissed on the redwoods. I dont have an answer for that.

and so now i'm home drinking water and shutting down before bed. i never stopped to get stasias peach pie because i figured it was too late. its too bad. i love pie.

set my alarm for super early due to the dr. its going to be rough. i didnt sleep enough last nite (my fault) and now im not tonite either (also my fault) whatever. life is for living not sleeping.

now its time for my usual blog entry:

she walks like she dances in cowboy boots
at least 3 times a week
and i am not in the mood for poetry about girls.
i dont need a tree today
or the grass or a blurry picture
of a rock band
i dont need peace or action.
tell me what drives us
to not talk / talk so much
lets do something
hard and fast
that will make news.

blah. sorry. i am never doing this again. good nite.

.

i felt like i should update. i have some pics and did some stuff... sort of... but i am in bed now and my cameras in the other room... and... i just sat here for a minute thinking and it turns out i dont have too much to say. but i guess im not going to delete this... even though i should... maybe i will get points for trying... like even a few points? come on... just one?

ok, i will put in some more effort:

.....
.......

the shit inside
dufflebagged up
and ready to go.
paralleled list of
attention grabbing
motions and tests...

all for the sake
of mythical security
and love.

i usually document my little projects a bit better. but I made this:




Its a ring. probably between size 6 and 7. Im betting closer to 7.

do you want it? paypal me some amount of money to steve@northofjanuary.com and I will send it to you. Suggested pay scale:

$10,000 - to cover lawyer fees and fines for defacing money

$5,000 - as a piece of original art that you could easily make yourself, but I will write an artist statement to go along with it that will have some sort of political statement in it. The statement will be approx 3/4 of a page. I will also put it in a ring box of some kind.

$200 - as a ring you can give to your girlfriend when you propose to her. you can tell her you don't have the money for a real engagement ring right now so you made her this one. I will ship it in an unmarked package with no return address or receipt.

$25 - because you have some extra money, are bored and think its cool.

$5 - to cover postage.

email me before you send money just in case its gone.

i was thinking about somethings today but dont feel like completing the thoughts:

1. sex and the city: how is giving into extreme stereotypes and example of feminism? Wouldn't an assertion of independence be a better example?

2. consuming: not only choosing the right product that suits your needs but also choosing the right time to buy the product.

3. does anyone know a geologist that will take me along with them and talk to me about stuff. I dont really know much about geology. i think i just want an info dump on a real life situation.

i saw the ocean kind of from above
it kept breaking on the shore
and it reminded me that
everything is a million pieces
like buddy rich has a
million beats for every song
everything is good
everything is good
like the sweat smoke filled rooms
of kerouacs jazz
horns flying
notes fluttering through the air and
shot at the same time
drummers drumming drums drum drum
and the piano player laying with
ease on the keys of smooth smooth
refreshing water notes.

and i saw brubeck tonite
i can easily say it was one of the best performances i have ever seen.
ive never seen musicians interact the way they did with music and make it all so nice to listen to.
they looked like they had a great time and played flawlessly. take 5 was better than I could have imagined. number 1 show of all time on my list of shows.

i felt a little sick after but still went out.

i spend a lot of time getting to know the sidewalk
we talk in depth
almost every nite
sometimes it recommends bands to me other walkers listen to
but most times
it listens to me talk
tonite, i think together we decided
jazz is the only thing that loves me
and i am ok with that
it would be selfish to ask for more.

nite soldier. sleep well.

trying to shut down and all I can think of is panning for gold.

you know what I mean?

Post

kick a hub cap
it clanks and rolls
and vibrates a solid steel sound
like a little miracle
a match floating up
in the sky
where it cant burn
crumpled brown
dead grass

.

i decided to walk to winooski to see missy bly and the berg sans nipple. it was fun... somethign to do.

considering the tiny amount of sleep i had last nite and the distance of the walk... i think i am doing ok right now.

ps.

scrolling through the names
on your phone
looking for a text buddy
to kill an hour with
sending abbreviated
meaningless humor /
light heartedness.
coming up empty.

share your life with your
blog: either as therapy
or a method of informing
or just a pathetic attempt
to share something with
someone.

i decided today i would not be a good botanist but might be a good chemist.
i do like to mix things.

realizing you get the same out of going out as staying in when it comes long term goals and
completely losing sight of the short term personal ones.

(this) music reminds me of death and 2 am walks.
sweat under headphone pads
and tears.

the waves of the
wheat at eye level
air of the sky
loving blue and white
sewing missions
built for warmth
and you like how
it goes away
shhhh

bye.

pictures...

owls head

rainbow, sun dog chem trail w/ shadow


views



flower


flmaes





juggle


mining expedition



hope you had a good weekend. lets go to a movie.