.

smell like alcohol and cigarettes
of course
with hair all wild like down
stroked fire, eye make up
and sparkled lips, you make
the boys tell each other they would fuck you
but instead they are going to eat
hot sausages

its dark and i still pretended my eyes are
camera lenses
when it works the sky is deep blue
not black
the stars blur
and everything is orange and red
except the cars which become long lines
of light with no mass
frozen in time not measured
by doppler.

we ran along the bike path to find the
train i wanted to ride
it was late
the booth was closed but the conductor let
us ride anyway.

the tracks were only 2 feet apart as
opposed to the normal 4. it made the ride
tipsy and awkward but it was a train
big and iron.

it rained and i watched the ocean over your shoulder
you watch the hill behind me
the car had no windows and a roof.
the paint so thick on the benches
they must have had a fresh coat every year
whether they needed it or not
for all 10 years of restored operation.

the conductor comes on the PA.
the parents hushed their kids.
it was a little boys birthday
and the kid wanted to have his party on the train
just like i would have wanted to do.

the conductor told us where we were.
traveling along saco bay
and how the train was used
for crazy things.
i was distracted by the cold spring wind
and waves and steam.

"there is a bridge that burned"
he said
i listened
"we cant cross it, we will stop there and take a break
before turning around and coming back,
feel free to walk around."

the train stopped
we walked
to the bridge
it was black
how does a bridge over the bay burn?
i dont know.
i walked out on it. you followed.
we didnt talk to each other much.
the ties were fine
it was sturdy
at first
they were black from creosote
protection from the rain
the ocean
skipping, me and you over the missing
ties
the further we go
the bigger the jump
half the bridge missing
down below
our jumps land
and break the oily water bubbles
and puddles on the ties
how far can we go?
how many ties is too many to jump?
i dont know
the waves are crashing
the water is deep
the rain is hard and fast
the wind is driving
further
further
i forgot
there was a train waiting for us
a birthday boy probably with short
patience
we stopped and looked back.
the conductor was at the start of the bridge.
i think he yelled something
but I couldn't tell
we had to move faster
and did
further
until we could only stand left of where the tracks were
and the jump
would have been into the
cold spring atlantic
water.

later that nite
at the pier
i drank a mouthful
it tasted like oil and salt.